Thinking Destructively

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing this?

If I were not sitting here, staring at the luminance that is my MacBook screen, tapping away at my keyboard fighting back tears…
I would be staring at a smaller screen, my blue eyes fuzzy with emotions.
My hands would be shaking with frustration.
My eyes would be red with hurt.
My heart would be pounding hard in my chest.
My head would be swirling, a hurricane.
My nails would be digging into my palms.
My lungs would be heaving.
My throat would be shouting.

I would be waiting. For you to pick up the phone and whisper those six words…

I’m sorry, baby, I love you… 

 

I love you, Thomas.
I really do.
More than you could possibly imagine.
That’s why I get hurt.
That’s why I get angry.
That’s why I…

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