To feel the heaviness of love lying next to you, the rumble of snoring in your ear that keeps you awake until the sun peaks the horizon, the crash-and-bang of a heartbeat foreign to your own. These sounds are nowhere near as deafening as an empty pillow, the echoes of your own breath off the wall, the glass shattering in your chest where a heart once was.
Likewise; the soft touch of fabric on a pillow cannot compare to the flames that dance on your cheeks and tickle my palms.
This hollowness inside me can only be filled by the drums in your chest, the thunder in my ear, the weight of your body next to me. Lay with me, my love.
Until the weight of our bodies cause the walls to collapse… until the storms shake the earth apart… until our hearts beat in time to rebuild what is broken.
His pen glided across the page, eyes glazed and distant as he scribbled. The buzzed feeling running through his veins was slowly diluting and his hand slowed with each passing minute. He leaned back against the cabinet and dropped his pen to the floor beside of him. A smile creased his tired face as he gazed upon a beautiful sketch of a girl. Not just any girl. The girl he saw outside of the coffee shop the day before. They hadn’t spoken, but they exchanged a look. The look? He only hoped so. Damn, did he hope so… Leaning his head back on the cool wood, he closed his eyes and replayed the scene in his head.
He had just finished a deal, well, a “pick up” from his supplier and was on his way home to prepare the merchandise for customers. Taking his usual route home, he passed the coffee shop that doubled as a used book store. There were three wire patio tables out on the sidewalk. The first was occupied by two old ladies clutching cups of coffee and reminiscing about the past fifty years. The second was stuffed with teenage girls, giggling and sipping loudly on iced mochas, extra mocha. They had stolen the extra chairs from the old ladies and from the solo guest at the last table so they could all hunch over the same cell phone and poke fun at an ex-boyfriend and his new arm candy. He rolled his eyes and pressed forward, his eyes falling on the last table for much longer than the first two. A smile began to form as he met her gaze and he nodded to her a, “hello, stranger.” She responded with a slight tip of her coffee mug in his direction and a smile that nearly turned him into a puddle right there on the concrete in front of Old Miss Mae’s Bookstore and Coffee Bar. He coughed, quickly turned away, and kept moving, unable to get her hazel eyes out of his head and the way the morning sunlight made them shimmer…
I thought about you the other day
I took this silly online quiz,
“What state should you have been from?”
I got Ohio.
Tears stung my eyes,
and knives pierced my chest.
It has been so long since you have crossed my mind.
Please do not think I have forgotten you.
You are still my hopes and dreams.
Everything I want for my future…
…revolves around you.
I miss you so…
What I would give to hold your face in my hands…
…to kiss you and know I have found my forever.
I will wait.
I will go back to my life and wait.
A hundred more years if I have to.
I will go back to my bed and feel every inch of him surround me.
Until it is your turn.
I love you in the way the sun kisses the edges of the
clouds in the morning. The way the steam rises from my coffee
and curls at the end of my nose. The way my hair will split in
two, sometimes three ways at the ends. With hopes that,
in just one of these ways, it is a language you understand.
A whisper that tickles the hairs
on the back of your neck.
I woke in a panic, his arm wrapped around my shoulders kept me still, but it only caused me to panic even more. Why can’t I move my arms? What’s going on?! How could you do this to me!?! I whimpered into my pillow as he tried to quiet me, slowly waking from my bad dream. I buried my face into his chest and wrapped my arms around him tightly, he returned the gesture and kissed my forehead. Soon, he was snoring once again, but I lie awake, replaying the images that tortured me behind my eyelids.
It was dark, we were standing in the parking lot of our apartment complex, he and I. We were laughing, hanging out with our friends, drinking and having a great time together.
He went upstairs to use our bathroom and returned moments later. I waltzed up to him in my drunken stupor and kissed him. Passion coursed through my veins and a tenderness invaded our eyes. I loved him so much in that moment. Someone called his name… the moment was over, but had not left my mind.
He set down his phone on the hood of a car, it was still unlocked and face-up, the screen lit up brightly as a message finished sending. I went to pick it up, not wanting anyone to steal his phone or have it get broken. What was on his screen shot through my heart like a million knives, I dropped the phone to the ground, not wanting to see anymore of it. I looked over towards him, he had not even noticed the sound of his phone falling to the concrete. I closed my eyes for a moment, the text-image of a nude woman burned into my eyelids. I opened my eyes and dropped my drink to the ground next to his phone and brought my hands to my face, trying not to think of the picture that followed, his own nude photo and words that he only whispered to me under the shelter of night in our bedroom, our most intimate moments. My body began to shake as I screamed his name, tears boiling up in my eyes. He turned and looked at me, his hands buried deep into his hoodie pockets. He glanced at the ground, a glimpse at his phone and he knew I had seen what I was not supposed to see. I caught his gazed and our eyes locked together as he walked back over to me. I picked up the phone and looked at the screen again before turning it around so he could see what I was looking at. I threw the phone at him and it slapped his chest, he drew his hands up to attempt catching the device, but it hit the asphalt with a cracked screen which flickered and went dark. I bent down, retrieved my empty cup and threw that at him as well.
Tears began to well up in his eyes as well as I screamed at him obscenities and profanities that I did not know I knew. The screaming became muffled as the images became blurred…