I thought about you the other day
I took this silly online quiz,
“What state should you have been from?”
I got Ohio.
Tears stung my eyes,
and knives pierced my chest.
It has been so long since you have crossed my mind.
Please do not think I have forgotten you.
You are still my hopes and dreams.
Everything I want for my future…
…revolves around you.
I miss you so…
What I would give to hold your face in my hands…
…to kiss you and know I have found my forever.
I will wait.
I will go back to my life and wait.
A hundred more years if I have to.
I will go back to my bed and feel every inch of him surround me.
Until it is your turn.
When I was young I used to dream of what it would be like to be in love. I wanted a boy to like me and pass me notes in class more than anything in the world. I would even ask for a boyfriend for Christmas. I begged and wished and begged some more to feel that thrill of a first kiss and falling in love!
After what felt like an eternity, I finally got that first kiss in a movie theater with my date’s arm around my shoulders. Classic, right? Despite the fact that people were getting shot at in the background it was set up so perfectly and I should have been happy, but there was just one problem. You see, my date, Rex and I had been good friends for quite some time and I had grown to love him…as a brother. Thus…my first ‘first’ was ruined and to be quite honest none of my firsts were really all that great at all.
My first boyfriend? Used me.
My first date? Wasn’t actually a date and was so awkward my palms were sweaty and he called me out on it.
My first kiss? Well, you know…
My first time? He couldn’t get it up and I felt so weird and uncomfortable and was in no way ready for what he pressured me to do with him. It lasted all of 30 seconds…maybe less.
My first love? Tried to turn my best friend against me and me against her. But, we caught on and I bruised my knuckles on a door for the first time.
But, this taught me something that I didn’t quite understand until recently. It was more memorable and mind blowing than that first kiss or your first time on prom night or homecoming night. Mine was neither.
Those terrible and awkward firsts taught me that you will get that first chance again with the right person. But – there’s a catch! It really will be magical like it was supposed to be the first time. Every first with that person and every time after that will be filled with fireworks and heart-stopping, jaw-dropping, awestruck moments where you really feel like the luckiest person in the world…
And the funny thing is…in that moment…that complete utterly happy moment…you are.
Thank you, Thomas, for making me truly understand this.