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To feel the heaviness of love lying next to you, the rumble of snoring in your ear that keeps you awake until the sun peaks the horizon, the crash-and-bang of a heartbeat foreign to your own. These sounds are nowhere near as deafening as an empty pillow, the echoes of your own breath off the wall, the glass shattering in your chest where a heart once was.
Likewise; the soft touch of fabric on a pillow cannot compare to the flames that dance on your cheeks and tickle my palms.
This hollowness inside me can only be filled by the drums in your chest, the thunder in my ear, the weight of your body next to me.
Lay with me, my love.
Until the weight of our bodies cause the walls to collapse… until the storms shake the earth apart… until our hearts beat in time to rebuild what is broken.


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Sunflower

“What five things would you put into a pentagram to summon me?”

“A sunflower, a tie-dye sock, a ball of cat hair, a dictionary, and a hair clip.”

“A sunflower? Why a sunflower?”

“Because everything about you makes me think of a sunflower, you need to wear yellow more often. We need to get you a yellow sun dress.”

Fire Heart

Flames shoot out of his body
from all angles,
but, where it matters most
he is soft and warm,
his eyes,
lips,
and fingertips.
Passerby beware.
Some say he resembles metal after a long rain.
I disagree.
His beauty is unique,
so much so that most cannot hope to appreciate it.
Though, I see it each morning,
each eve,
each time I close my eyes and wish to see something more magnificent than what is before me.
He transforms into something more than my heart could have ever hoped for.
Flames that burn the heart.

I want…

I want to bury my face into the nape of your neck.
I want your scent and your kisses to envelope me.
I want the only sound for miles to be our heart beats.
I want the only feeling to be our fingers entwined together.
I want to watch the street light bounce off your shoulder.
I want to press my lips to your temple as you doze.
I want to fall asleep there, your hand on my hip and your breath on my hair.
I want there to be no space between our bodies except that which we need to breathe.
I want to spend the mornings waking to your sweet sleepy cuddles.
I want to watch you stretch and flinch away from the sun.
I want to kiss your tired lips and know that this is my forever.

Thinking Destructively

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing this?

If I were not sitting here, staring at the luminance that is my MacBook screen, tapping away at my keyboard fighting back tears…
I would be staring at a smaller screen, my blue eyes fuzzy with emotions.
My hands would be shaking with frustration.
My eyes would be red with hurt.
My heart would be pounding hard in my chest.
My head would be swirling, a hurricane.
My nails would be digging into my palms.
My lungs would be heaving.
My throat would be shouting.

I would be waiting. For you to pick up the phone and whisper those six words…

I’m sorry, baby, I love you… 

 

I love you, Thomas.
I really do.
More than you could possibly imagine.
That’s why I get hurt.
That’s why I get angry.
That’s why I…

Irresistible temptation

642 Things to Write About – Irresistible temptation

The way his hands feel resting on my waist.
The way his eyes are so soft looking into mine.
The way his smile lights up the dark bedroom.
The way his lips look so rough yet feel so soft.
The way his teeth bite my lip in the gentlest of ways.
The way his body gets tense when I reciprocate.
The way his breath feels against my neck.
The way his pulse quickens.
The way his breath grows heavy.
The way his brow furrows.
The way his sweaty forehead feels against mine.
The way we smile and laugh at each other.
The way we could lie there for hours not saying a word.
The way we love each other.
The way I admire him when he is not looking.
The way I smile like a fool.
The way I cannot stop myself from loving…

The way he loves me.

Mathilda: On love and getting it right the first time

When I was young I used to dream of what it would be like to be in love. I wanted a boy to like me and pass me notes in class more than anything in the world. I would even ask for a boyfriend for Christmas. I begged and wished and begged some more to feel that thrill of a first kiss and falling in love!

After what felt like an eternity, I finally got that first kiss in a movie theater with my date’s arm around my shoulders. Classic, right? Despite the fact that people were getting shot at in the background it was set up so perfectly and I should have been happy, but there was just one problem. You see, my date, Rex and I had been good friends for quite some time and I had grown to love him…as a brother. Thus…my first ‘first’ was ruined and to be quite honest none of my firsts were really all that great at all.

My first boyfriend? Used me.
My first date? Wasn’t actually a date and was so awkward my palms were sweaty and he called me out on it.
My first kiss? Well, you know…
My first time? He couldn’t get it up and I felt so weird and uncomfortable and was in no way ready for what he pressured me to do with him. It lasted all of 30 seconds…maybe less.
My first love? Tried to turn my best friend against me and me against her. But, we caught on and I bruised my knuckles on a door for the first time.

But, this taught me something that I didn’t quite understand until recently. It was more memorable and mind blowing than that first kiss or your first time on prom night or homecoming night. Mine was neither.
Those terrible and awkward firsts taught me that you will get that first chance again with the right person. But – there’s a catch! It really will be magical like it was supposed to be the first time. Every first with that person and every time after that will be filled with fireworks and heart-stopping, jaw-dropping, awestruck moments where you really feel like the luckiest person in the world…

And the funny thing is…in that moment…that complete utterly happy moment…you are.

Thank you, Thomas, for making me truly understand this.